“God Gave Me You, Gave Me Love, & Gave Me our Little Temporary Forever”

4/27/17

Dear KL,

I can still hear your sweet cute voice in my head when I read our old text messages. I can still hear your cute little snoring when I would lay in bed after work, hoping you’ll call again, because maybe you’ve missed me or knew that we were never meant to be apart. I can still hear you telling me to “come here” when I would have too much things going on in my mind & you would know that as long as you hold me and give me that “hug” I love, everything would be okay. I can still feel that sense of security and love when were having our late nights.

Only you could ever make me feel that way. No one ever made me feel that way.

You saw the good and the bad in me. You saw and knew that I am a sensitive man, who perhaps just wanted to be loved. Who went through many craps and that all I needed and wanted was just to be loved.

You taught me how to trust again. You taught me that sometimes letting someone in isn’t always terrible, even if it ends the way we didn’t planned it. You taught me that love is beautiful even if you will end up getting your heart broken.

I thought about you today. I thought about your kisses that you would always give me. I thought about your laugh, how it would filled me up inside. The saddest thing was, I thought about you and your weirdness. You would always talk to yourself, make weird remarks, and do some weird stuff I’ve never ever seen or heard of before. And to me, that was when you were the most beautiful. I know I always tell you to stop when you keep making those weird remarks, but I never meant that. You were being you. Being dorky, and I guess that’s another reason why I fell in love with you. Fuck, KL, what I meant is, I (I’m) was truly in love with you.

You were everything I wanted, for a moment. But that moment didn’t stretch into forever. 

But maybe God didn’t want you to be my forever person. And I guess I can accept that. I don’t quite understand, but I do now. Sometimes people are only meant to touch our lives for a period of time.  

Sometimes it aches. Sometimes it aches, the fact that you’re gone. But I still thank God for sending you to me.

You see, my whole life, I’ve been feeling so broken. God knew and was teaching me how to heal. I’m thankful that God gave me you. I learned in loving you. That you can’t change people and their hearts. That sometimes, timing is everything. And that sometimes, we run out of second chances. But time & space will still always heal.

Maybe we weren’t right for each other. Maybe we would have ended up burning down instead of setting the world ablaze with our light. Just Maybe. Maybe He knew we would have pulled each other away from Him, from faith, from the beauty that this world has to offer. I don’t know the answers, but I am trusting in Him even in times of confusion.

We are apart now. No longer texting or calling one another. No longer singing the same tune. No longer two hearts in one rhythm. But I’ve come to understand that this is a part of life. A part of loving.

I believe that God has plans for us, for you, and for me. And no matter how much our lives changed, I will never look back on us with regrets.

God gave me you, gave me love, gave me our little temporary forever. And for that, I’ll always be thankful. 

Although I’m not sure what will happen now, where I will go, where you will go, who I will love, who you will love, or if we will ever cross paths with again, I know that things happen for a reason. And they happen according to His plan.

I’m thankful that He gave me you. You’ll always have a special place in my heart.

If I can, I’d do it all over again. I’d give everything & anything, just to do it all over again

Love,

BoBo Dison

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Thoughts about Thailand . . .

For many of you who keeps up with me on Instagram, you probably have heard or know that I will be going to Thailand this Summer. For these past few months, my team and I have been preparing our hearts and mind for Thailand, but lately many things have been pondering me. It saddens me to be honest. I’ve gone to many countries, not that many but a few, yet somehow this trip to Thailand has been one of the most stressful one that I will be going to. It’s not that I’m stressed about what will be there. It’s just there are some things.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I am sure some people feel this way too, but my heart just hurts for Thailand (Laos too but as of now I am talking about Thailand). It hurts in a way where I just want to let them know that I care. For many who knows me on a personal level, knows that I love people. They know that I have a big heart of helping people rather I know those people or not. I am just a person who loves helping people. I mean yes, I am Asian, but just because my heart hurts for Thailand does not mean it doesn’t hurt for Haiti or any other countries you can name of. Anyways, that’s not the point here, Let’s focus on Thailand for now. My heart hurts for Thailand.

Many “tourists” have gone to Thailand. Many “tourists” have experienced and see how “cheap” Thailand is. Many “tourists” have abused the culture of Thailand. Many of them have done stuff that shouldn’t even be done. (Speaking about the Red Light District).

But You know what saddens me? I don’t know if the people in Thailand think that all Americans that goes to Thailand only go because they want to have sex with the young girls or go because it’s cheap. But it saddens me because that is NOT what I am going there for. I am going because I have a HEART to care and truly try to make a difference. I am going because I care for them. I may be overthinking too much and I’m sure I am, but I just want them to know that I care for them. That is why I (my team) are there. That is why it saddens me because many “tourists” have abused that relationship with Thailand.

My team and I are going there to help teach the some students / kids English. Maybe share life with them as well. We’re going because we care for them, not because it’s cheap. But so many tourists have abused that and I guess I just don’t want them to be thinking that we are going there for that. Think of it as life. We are trying to plant a seed.

For many people who have went to other countries and say it’s cheap. Please be fucking (sorry not sorry for cussing) but please be fucking respectful and HUMBLE and UNDERSTAND that to them it is NOT CHEAP. $100 in Thailand may make you the richest person there but please do understand that people who lives in Thailand do not have that kind of money. Be humble my friend. Be humble.

I guess this is a phase I will be facing a lot in the future as I am preparing myself for a Master’s degree in Cross-Cultural Studies for Grad School.

I Will keep you posted as I prepare my trip for Thailand. For those who has been helping contributing for my trip, Thank you. If you would like to help donate, shoot me a message. I can send you to a link to donate.

Losing a Part of You Means Creating Space for Parts of Them

To experience love and losing it has taught me that loving someone goes beyond our emotions. To extensively give your heart and soul to another human being is daily committing yourself to them. It is waking up and making the conscious decision to treat them with kindness, respect, and above all – love.

Because I fell in love at such a young age, I was euphorically unaware of how to properly handle a relationship. I was under the impression that love was what dictated our actions. Foolishly, I led myself to believing that when you meet your soulmate, things will sort themselves out for which I was wrong.

But having the opportunity to meet someone and form a connection is a blessing. It is also a commitment that requires an abundance of effort. Falling in love should be easy, however, you should also be cautious.

I was taught that you cannot control who you fall in love with and although lust can be difficult to control, God taught me to guard my heart. Instead of allowing my attention to wander, I can focus on the creator. I aim to have His desires and pray to find someone who can share that vision with me.

Falling in love means sacrifice because you are no longer just thinking of yourself. It is about placing someone else’s feelings before your own and being considerate of their feelings. Falling in love means having to compromise a part of you to allow another person in. It does not mean that you completely lose yourself. But you cannot expect to incorporate someone else in your life without giving up a little.

To love someone is to make decisions everyday that will benefit both of you as a couple. It is finding the balance between holding on to who you are but letting go of some things. In that case, losing a part of you means creating space for parts of them.